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Micky Fillet Employs A Butchers Boy!


Amanda Reynolds

I've taken on a new Butcher's Boy ready for when I open my Post Office come Butchers Shop (which has been a life long dream of mine but is still only at an experimental stage at the moment), his name is Chip and he has large green teeth, in fact, he is one of my very close acquaintances from the past, he smells of blood (from the meat) and eats sausages every morning for breakfast (raw ones and at least half a pound of them) with out fail. When he first arrived I provided him with a large bag of leaves and twigs so that he could make his own accommodation under the apple tree in the back orchard, he was thrilled at this and has made a suitable shelter and settled in straight away. Chip is also a friend of my old dad's from his army days, he has a little tricycle and wears a long, black over coat, as he rides his bike he smokes a hand rolled cigarette, he is about 75 years old. Chip has always been a Butcher's Boy for as long as any one can remember, his age is only estimated and no one knows it exactly.

Chip and I have already started practicing our butchery techniques in eager anticipation, although we haven't yet got any real meat, we have been using certain items found locally as a substitute and are quite pleased with our progress so far (please note that Chip has been under strict supervision whilst using his chopper).

Chip is single and looking! Yes, it's true, Chip wants a woman and is asking for any interested parties to send in their names and telephone numbers just as soon as they can. He is eager to meet as many candidates as possible so that he can get on with the 'grizzly' business of interviews and special tests, the tests have been devised by Chip himself which he has thought up to help enable him to choose between the lovely ladies. I have agreed to allow Chip to have the temporary use of one of my smaller cattle sheds for these interviews and Chip promises to do his best not to make too much noise, he is quite aware that playing Abba songs too loudly could easily give out the wrong signals!

Just in case any one has heard any strange screeching sounds coming from the property, it can be put down to the fact that Dad's been staying with me in the loft for the past few days. He sits in his rocking chair every day drinking family sized bottles of fizzy drink and eating salted peanuts and cheese and jam sandwiches. His hair is gray and wiry and his beard is a dirty shade of yellow with bits of food stuck in it which he'll occasionally pick out and chew on, he also eats any insects that he manages to catch, these are just the little things in life that make him happy. He can often be heard hammering on the loft floor because he has run out of refreshments, when ever this happens I run up and give him a quick slap to calm him down, I only ever have to resort to switching on the electric fence (carefully positioned around his chair) if he refuses to listen to reason!

I'm enjoying Dad's company but he'll soon be going home, in a way this will be a bit of a relief because the atmosphere between him and Chip has been, to say the least, a little strained. This probably stems from the fact that Dad caught Chip opening his tobacco tin, Chip still insists that he was only looking and just because he was tightly clutching some dried droppings from the budgie cage in his other hand, he swears he would never have put them into Dad's tin! These antics between Dad and Chip have apparently been going on ever since their army days together, they still arm wrestle each other on a regular basis and were, up until six months ago active members of The Dangerous Sports Association (Southern England Naked Division). I have made it clear to Chip that now he works for me he will no longer be able to take part in any of his former activities, the only exception being his Thursday evening cycling proficiency classes, which he needs to pass in order to deliver meat to prospective customers.

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