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The Surreal IRA.
by
DK O'Donnell
NEW 'SILLY' TERROR GROUP EMERGES.
An alarming new development was revealed in Northern Ireland with the
announcement that a splinter group calling itself 'The Surreal IRA' is about to
launch a campaign of extreme silliness. Already, around the province, posters
have been appearing bearing a crude drawing of a cylindrical object with the
words "This is not a pipe bomb" written underneath.
A spokesman for the group, Salvador McClarnon, (not his real name) said: "We are
fed up with the present batch of yahoos running about who are giving shadowy
terror organisations a bad name. The SIRA is about getting back to the
underlying cause of our troubles, namely 'partition'. I don't mean the
separation of the six counties from the rest, I'm talking about a much more
drastic act which took place centuries ago when Finn McCool tore up a piece of
land and threw it into the sea. Our demand is that the so-called 'Isle of Man'
be brought back and replaced in the hole now occupied by Lough Neagh. We will
never be free 'til we have a 33 county republic."
I spoke to the president of their political wing (Silly Sinn Fein), Seamus
O'Dali, who was kicking a bandaged violin along the gutter. "We realise, of
course, that with centuries of erosion the island has changed shape and we will
either have to trim it to fit or divide it into sections like a jigsaw puzzle."
Meanwhile, in the Manx capital, Douglas, concerned residents have formed an
organisation to oppose the SIRA. "The IOMDA are determined that our heritage be
defended. We are proud of the fact that we have the oldest parliament in the
world, as well as tail-less cats, and we not tolerate any geographical
relocation of our island. If Mr O'Dali continues with his ludicrous demands, I
will go over there personally and 'sort him out'." Said their leader -
Neuroticus Fairbanks The Third.
On hearing this, the president of SSF began to sing " Que. SIRA SIRA, whatever
will be, will be." twirled his waxed moustache and gazed vacantly for a moment
before retorting, "Oh aye? - Tell him to bring his Da!"
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