The Writers Voice
The Persuasive Sale - An Iguana Story
Daniel W Kneip
One would think an iguana would be a pretty poor salesman. But in Tommy's case, he actually did a rather proper job.
"I credit my customer servicing skills and also, my nails are always so nicely manicured!" he would say to a stranger while sipping soup in an all-night diner. And even for a restaurant that didn't allow animals on the premises - a sign on the door in beg red letters clearly stated:
"No animals are welcome here unless they care to be served on a hot plate with our delicious golden hash browns and bottomless mugs of freshly brewed coffee all for $3.99." But Tommy was never too good at reading.
"I just know I'm hungry and this sure looks like a nice place," he surmised. So you can imagine the waitress's surprise when she found the rather large iguana, dressed pleasantly in a powder blue suit, sitting homely at the bar, claws folded nicely.
"You's an animal," she told him, as if he didn't know. "Did ya read the sign out there, fella?"
But the iguana knew something she didn't: he was a gifted salesman and if he needed to sell her the idea that she needed to clam up and feed him, he certainly had no reservations.
"I say, my dear friend," the timely iguana began in such a sweet, low voice that even the salt and pepper shakers inched closer to hear him!
"The days have been long and I've been on my feet, travelling door to door, trying to sell these encyclopedias. I sure would appreciate a slice of gratitude and a hot cup of the ol' Monday mornin' cheer and if you would be so kind as to feed a poor, tired iguana, free of charge, of course, I promise not to leave here immediately, go to your residence and eat your children instead!" And the waitress, who was sure that if an iguana could talk would certainly have no trouble eating her children, quickly rushed through the best hot plate she could find and the iguana ate a most heavenly meal with a very devilish grin.
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