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An Angel's Tears


Heidi Yang

Everyone has their own unique story about thunderstorms. Many people were told that thunderstorms were just angels bowling. It was only to help us when we were little because many of us were scared of thunderstorms. Yet when we grow up, why do we still believe that seemingly untrue story? Maybe because to some of us it might be true. The skeptics and cynics would say I'm crazy. "Angels don't bowl," they would say with a scoff. "Besides, there is no such thing as an angel." But tell me, where is your proof? Have you actually been to heaven and seen nothing but clouds? I didn't think so.

Have you been to heaven and seen no one but yourself? I bet not. So I ask you, if have no proof, then what gives you the right to say they aren't real? If you have no proof then who's to say angels can't bowl? Of course that silence the critics for a moment. But they would still insist that I was crazy. But what would the cynics, the atheists, critics! , and the skeptics say when someone agreed with me? They would (of course) say we both needed to be institutionalized. But what about a religion that practically thrives on the belief of a seemingly invisible higher power? You can't institutionalize thousands or even millions of people now can you? I didn't think so. But let me ask you this. If we think the thunder and lightning represent something, what about the rain itself? I know there are plenty of people who would say I've gone off the deep end. They are entitled to their opninion, but so am I.

For a long time I have believed the rain had something to do with angels. Here's a question for you, are angels ever sad? More specifically, do angels cry? I've always thought the rain was the angels crying. If you think about it, it actually makes sense. If we all have an angel watching over us then wouldn't it make sense that when we died that the angel would be sad? Especially the angels that have the difficult task of! watching over those people who die befor it's their time has come. Ironically I used to be a skepist, an atheist, a critc, and a cynic until I began to wonder, where's the proof? Where is the evidence that angels don't exist, or bowl for that matter? Even the critics, aethists, skeptics, and the cynical people admit that there's a possibility that angels do exist. Where is the evidence to prove they don't? It's funny how in the end I decided not to end my life because of an angel. I remember that on that awful night I was wearing my angel necklace.

I remember that had felt a like someone was watching me, despite the fact that there was no one there. I remember on that terrible night when the knife was inches from my chest the light caught part of my necklace. I fingered it slowly wondering if maybe I shouldn't be doing this. It was then I felt a strong presence behind me, I knew it was angel. The angel was telling me not to do ! this, he reminded me of what I would miss if I died. But for a moment it seemed to be too late, my dark side had taken over me. I picked up the knife again and I slowly brought the blade towards my chest. When the knife was just inches from my chest something made me stop. Suddenly I remembered
the conversation I'd had with my friend Zac.


"Did that letter I wrote last semester scare you?" I'd asked worriedly.
"Yeah." Zac had replied solemnly.
"Why?" I had asked curiously.
"I thought, I thought..." Zac's voice had trailed off as he choked on the words.
"You thought I was going to kill myself, didn't you?" I'd finished gently.
"Yeah," Zac had said. "But I wasn't the only one."
"I'm sorry I scared you." I had said quietly. "I didn't mean to."
"That's okay."
"I would never do that to you." I had said firmly as I put my arm around his shoulder.
"I know that now." Zac had replied with relief.

* * *

Remembering that conversation made me realize I had meant every word. Then it hit me, the angel who had been watching over me was Zac. I realized that if I killed myself I would be breaking my promise. Then I realized something, Zac would feel responsible and he would be in pain. This guy I cared so much about would be hurting if I made the wrong decision. I put the knife away. I was lucky. I couldn't possibly imagine the pain the families and friends go through when someone they love takes their own life and succeeds. I don't want to imagine the tears their agnels would cry. I don't want to think about how many hours or perhaps days it would rain. So if you think suicide is the only way out, just think about the tears an angel would shed. If that doesn't work then just think about this, how long would it rain if you died you were supposed to?

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