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The Terribly Moonlit Garden by Daniel W. Kneip

 
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Harry
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 5:05 am    Post subject: The Terribly Moonlit Garden by Daniel W. Kneip Reply with quote

The Terribly Moonlit Garden by Daniel W. Kneip

I would say that Mr. Apoxsey will soon have a case of apoplexy before his lettuce is ripe for the picking. He may have something there, though, Danny – most of the problems I've gotten myself into in my life were committed under artificial light.
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Linda
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 8:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Danny,

It's great to see your work again! I love the intelligent though half a bubble off Mr. Apoxsey...I can see him

Hidden quietly inside, and peering ever so neatly out the window

as he speaks into his mini-tape recorder. The story reminded me of Poe's Tell-Tale Heart...though Poe’s character is far more chilling ....

TRUE! --nervous --very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why will you say that I am mad? The disease had sharpened my senses --not destroyed --not dulled them.

Please tell me we will hear more of Mr. Apoxsey ....
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Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
-- Dylan Thomas
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dkneip
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 11:09 am    Post subject: thank you Reply with quote

Harry, thank you for your thoughts. you got me thinking about sources of light: could candlelight be considered artificial even though the flame is natural, but wick and wax elements are manmade? i never spent a second thinking about that before.

Linda, no i think i'm done with this character, but i will let him know you care. Smile Funny how we can keep going back to Poe for a good chill! i am proud to be mentioned in the same paragraph as EAP and I appreciate your words.

danny
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Linda
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 11:20 am    Post subject: Re: thank you Reply with quote

dkneip wrote:
...i think i'm done with this character, but i will let him know you care. Smile ...


Please do, Danny. I'm certain he will find comfort in the knowledge Wink It is a shame we will hear no more...you and Harry...as the quality of your work improves the length continues to decrease...perhaps one day when you are both bored, you will return to these teasing bits of verse and carry on ... Wink
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Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
-- Dylan Thomas
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dkneip
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 12:49 pm    Post subject: yes Reply with quote

my longer stories (3-4 pages) are, i think, well done and thoughful, but i get so much more enjoyment out of these short shorts that have the ability to speak volumes in so little time.

harry's work certainly does that, and i, like he, tend to write about "snapshots" in a persons life.. not drawn out life experiences. but that is the writer's path i am on currently..

linda, when will you submit work? how is your manuscript coming along? i'm sorry if you've posted updates and I've missed them.

danny
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Harry
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 5:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Danny

I’m not a physicist, but I can tell you seedlings are nutured under ‘artificial light’, and that you can get a severe sunburn from reflected light, and wick and wax are natural elements – man fashioned. In other words I don’t anything at all about light other than to say we can’t get along without it.
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DaveR
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 1:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Harry, Linda, and Danny this is an enlightening conversation you're having; no cheap pun intended. It illustrates how a seemingly unfinished story can work.
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Linda
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 4:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Danny,

Then by all means, stick with the short pieces…your work is vastly improved! My visions of world wars fought by Mr. Apoxsey, as he "[hides] quietly inside, ...peering ever so neatly out the window" will have to wait.

As for my own work, right now it's revisions. A poem about my father was selected for an anthology and I won a commemorative award for another. Then, a friend put me in contact with a direct descendant of one of the founding fathers of my hometown. I've wanted to write a short book about the town (built on the banks of the Calcasieu River - named after a cannibal Indian Chief Calcasieu).

But, back to my own manuscript, a professor encouraged me to blend some events into one...he called this creative non-fiction....later, I watched Lee Gutkind on an educational channel…Gutkind is an American leader in creative non-fiction… I was impressed and emailed Gutkind….he advised against the technique….he said a Pulitzer winner had to return the prize when it was discovered her protagonist was a composite…This sent me for a spin…it meant rewriting "Devil on the Power Lines” (my first chapter)…so, I wallowed in despair, unable to find the real story or platform, until last week, when circumstances pushed me to the point of tossing it ....

This week, as related to Harry, I received a letter from an organization requesting biographical information. Their consideration was a boost to my morale. Today, I read David Vann’s article in Writer’s Digest… Vann just published a best-selling memoir “A Mile Down”…in the article he said (concerning another book): “I'm right at the beginning…what it looks like to me now is just a vast, impossible clutter, with no ending or arc to shape it…[but] I sit down at my laptop for an hour and a half each morning…and I work on a scene each day, a particular moment that stands out in memory as disturbing or important, trying to find who these people are, including me, and what the story is about…” The article has given me direction.

Dave, I've been following your posts regarding night classes. It sounds great! It seems we are all moving forward...in spite of storms...isn't that what books are made of? Smile

Linda
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Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
-- Dylan Thomas
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DaveR
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 5:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi, Linda. the course is over, and I'm into actually writing a screenplay. So far I'm comfortable writing in that form, and feel I can complete the thing.

Good for you. It does seem as if we are all moving forward through the storms -- led by Harry's light.
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dkneip
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 10:58 am    Post subject: yes Reply with quote

Linda, thank you for writing about your work and experiences and congratulations on the acclaim you've received!

In my spare time, my friends and I make short films - I write the scripts and direct and "act" and all the friends pitch in where needed. I recently had an idea for a very brief scene and I told my friend; he said he had had the same idea and was writing it into HIS movie.

I scrapped the idea and came up with another - there are too many other good, creative options floating around waiting to be plucked. But this thing we go through, coming up with moments of brilliance only to be discouraged, these things make us better writers, put us on the cutting edge, give rise to the unique voice inside.

I reread "Moonlit Garden" and thought, "boy, that's a really lame story." But the voice is clearly mine. The light is always on, but sometimes it's just awfully dim.

I know your work will be significant, Linda.

Dave, regarding screenplay format, are you using a template built into Word to write with? Or are you simply tabbing to the spots on the page? There is a great template I could send you if needed, for future works.

Harry, to your point, the thing that would make this story better would be some legitimate research included as to why moonlight might be bad, or why he would think it so bad for his plants. Without that, and perhaps a few other tweaks, I again say this story is weak.
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Linda
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 11:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you Danny. Your post brought tears. I know the story is there...and deep inside, even before watching Gutkind, I was not comfortable with the platform, or with the definition of creative non-fiction as explained to me. Gutkind said creative non-fiction allowed us to take liberty with our “view”, or our interpretation of the events, but not with the actual occurrence. But, I had already sensed that my story must be told in all of its truth. Since then, I have been rewriting (in my head and on paper) various scenes....trying to get at the core of the story. Thank you again and again Danny, for your vote of confidence.

Linda

Danny, I did not see your story as weak...but, I did see it as an opening for more scenes....actually, I loved Mr. Apoxsey...related to his busy (if occasionally off balance) mind...continually in conflict with the world outside...(a true artist Wink )
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Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
-- Dylan Thomas
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dkneip
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 12:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you, Linda.

I enjoy making interpretations of the facts, because I revel in taking those liberties as a writer. But I am not trying to base my works on absolute fact and truth.

I have done ample research on Amerigo Vespuci and wanted to write about his "supposed" third voyage. No one is too sure if it ever happened. There are all sorts of things a writer could do with that - it would be lots of fun, but none of it would be true.

Please hold tight to your principals; you are right to do so.
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DaveR
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 4:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Danny, during the class, I tabbed to the spots on the page. Thanks for the offer, but now I have the Final Draft scriptwriting software. The price was a bit steep, but I think it's worth it for all it does and with all the support you get. You can get it online for $189.

Hey, I didn't know you wrote scripts and made short films. Cool. Have you ever written a feature length screenplay?
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dkneip
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 5:16 pm    Post subject: yes Reply with quote

Dave,

That is very good software. I have something slightly different, not as inclusive, but it gets the job done using keyboard shortcuts. I've worn out many a "tab" button without it! Wink

So far, I have written three features - first drafts that are really poor. My writing now is much improved and one day, I would like to go back and retool those scripts. Basically, it's one of my kooky ideas drawn out for 90-minutes. Imagine! (if you dare!)

A screenplay, as you well know, is no easy task. I've made my recent script even harder - it's an animated musical. hahaha.. Dave, I'm not joking. I am THIS nutty! Very Happy

How many pages do you have? And how do you feel about what you were taught? Will you complete the script? I'm proud of you for venturing out and trying something like this!
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DaveR
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 6:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Danny, three months ago I didn't know anything about screenplays. Hadn't even read a script. So when you ask how I feel about what I was taught all I can say is my eyes and mind were opened to a new world. I think the class got me started on the right track.

I've got a story line, a protagonist, a villian, some supporting characters, and what the protagonist wants. The first twenty pages are complete, so the first act is just about done. I've got a pretty good idea of what the end will be.

Now for the damn middle sixty or so pages, the plot, the obstacles to the protagonists goal, the rising tension, etc., etc. I'm working on an outline for that now, a guide that will give me direction when I get back to writing scenes.

As for your animated muscial, I think nothing is too crazy for a film. It seems that you can do things with movies that you can only approach with prose.

But one thing I'm learning is that both fiction and screenplays require a good story with well developed characters.
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