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Dwight Gates by Rush Weigelt

 
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Harry
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Joined: 15 Jan 2004
Posts: 2505
Location: New York

PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 6:03 am    Post subject: Dwight Gates by Rush Weigelt Reply with quote

Dwight Gates by Rush Weigelt

A haunting little story, Rush. It paints a vivid picture of an almost unexplainable character. I can't understand how a man can spend a lifetime living like a hermit yet wishing for a wife and family. Maybe that's what makes him so haunting,

Dwight waited 25 years before he planted the tree and Ben doesn't get around to question him 'til 15 years later. "A few decades" later he digs the holes for the coffins. The passage of time is confusing to me, and I wonder if it doesn't get in the way of your story.
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DaveR
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Joined: 14 Jan 2004
Posts: 1338
Location: Los Angeles

PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 10:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rush, thank you for posting this story. I enjoyed it and hope you'll post more.

If you decide to continue working on this story, aside from tweaking the confusing time passages, which Harry pointed out, I think you should change your narrator's voice to match your first person characters dialogue.

You sound like two different people and it detracts from the story when the first person narrator sounds different when he is narrating the story and when he is speaking. Take a look at how Twain handles Huckleberry Finn.

Good story. Keep posting.
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Heidi
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Joined: 28 Feb 2004
Posts: 585
Location: Des Moines, IA

PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 5:42 pm    Post subject: Rush's story Reply with quote

Thanks for posting your story on the Writer's Voice Rush and I hope you continue to post more stories! I enjoyed this one while the passage of time does seem kind of odd I didn't think it made the story hard to read it just didn't seem to fit. Anyway enough of the critiquing, I thought that you painted a vivid picture of interesting characters. It left me rather curious about the neighbor, if he wanted a family or other friends why not talk to people in town? Why does he only talk to Dwight once? One that really made me think was why didn't the neighbor stop Dwight from committing suicide at the end? In my mind that's what a good story should do, leave the reader wondering. Cool
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