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Worst Poem by Adam Gilson

 
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Linda
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Joined: 14 Jan 2004
Posts: 1024
Location: Texas

PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 8:26 am    Post subject: Worst Poem by Adam Gilson Reply with quote

Adam,

Powerful poetry! I can only wonder at the inspiration.

Every time I see a rain drop, and know the
cup of kings it has rinsed out ages ago.


Beautiful image of ruling emotion...although I would omit the words "ages ago"...I think the word "kings" automaticly infers "ages ago"...

Still, I can't help but see you, hovering
over him.


Horribly shocking image…

The rage that consumes me is met head
on by the confusion that drives me.


Conflict in the most powerful sense...

Are we victim's of ourselves, or of each other?
And SEE?! Even in this, I can't berate you,
I come off implicating both of us.


Adam, I can only say this reminds me of something I want to forget...

Linda
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Adam Gilson
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Joined: 17 Jan 2007
Posts: 8
Location: Ventura, CA

PostPosted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 11:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

thank you very much for the kind words, linda!

the "ages ago" part is redundent, you're right. something i'm really trying to learn while writing poetry is to not be afraid to go back and edit.

i'll just kind of attack the keyboard for about an hour, and not look at it again and call it "finished", hehe. that probably isn't the best way of going about it.

i'll say one thing about the inspiration. life has this horrible dichotomy of presenting to you the most beautiful moments you've ever experienced, and then wrapping them in some prolonged, agonazing torture. ah, the human condition. isn't it grand? lol
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Linda
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Joined: 14 Jan 2004
Posts: 1024
Location: Texas

PostPosted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 4:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Adam Gilson wrote:
... something i'm really trying to learn while writing poetry is to not be afraid to go back and edit.
...


I am always reluctant to comment on poetry, aside from implied meaning, however, serious students appreciate suggestions. As for editing, I am certain few classics became classics after the first draft, but were edited over and over until the author was either sick of the poem (a good indication that it is complete) or they simply ran out of time...


Best wishes, Adam.
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Heidi
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Joined: 28 Feb 2004
Posts: 585
Location: Des Moines, IA

PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 1:53 pm    Post subject: Worst Poem Ever Reply with quote

Hey Adam I think Linda has already said a lot of what I would have said. I have to admit that I'm like you on occasion, and even after a few drafts sometimes I still think it's terrible until someone else reads it;) Anyway I thought this poem was quite powerful I liked the twist in the middle where it went from incredibly happy, to sad, to depressed longing. I can really relate to this poem and sadly all I can say about why is that I wish I could forget it all together. Oh well such is life right?
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