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Harry Buschman-God's Country

 
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Heidi
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Joined: 28 Feb 2004
Posts: 585
Location: Des Moines, IA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 1:47 pm    Post subject: Harry Buschman-God's Country Reply with quote

Harry I just read you newly posted short story. I really liked the description of the scenery and how you described some of the people.I liked the cliffhanger ending. Hopefully there's more to this story, if not I would consider adding some more to it!
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Harry
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Joined: 15 Jan 2004
Posts: 2505
Location: New York

PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you Heidi.

I've got two ways to go for an ending ... I can take the civilized route or, (with night coming on fast) ... gee, it's hard to resist.
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Linda
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Joined: 14 Jan 2004
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Location: Texas

PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:43 am    Post subject: Truly God's Country Reply with quote

Harry,

Did you take creative writing? Instead of saying the men were bored, you show:

...the tour guide’s voice droned on like a lullaby...

Instead of telling ages, you show:

...the majority of them had not had a bowel movement...

Instead of saying Gordon, though sleepy, loved his wife, you wrote:

[he]... glanced at his wife, shook his head slowly and closed his eyes.

Next, you set us up for the cell phones being left:

...everything ... skidded ...to the front of the bus. Gordon was suddenly pushing her ... “Get out. Keep moving ... we’ve got to get out...

Show the driver's disassociation:

..."Should'a stayed with Empire." ..."It's a truckin' company. 18 wheelers from San Diego to the mid-west. Six lane roads all the way...

Gordon's relationship:

“We’ll make it, love. ...

the bonding:

...the passengers gathered together... They spoke ...of where they came from ... how pleasant life had been ...their children... their children’s children.

the fear:

They did not speak of the mountain ...the storm ...the cold...the hunting sounds of animals ...cat ...coyote.

the terror:

They did not listen.

But they heard them.


Harry, these are only a few of the details that make for good writing and only a few of the reasons why I enjoy your work so much. You're good, Harry.

Linda
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laura
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Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 24

PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 9:12 am    Post subject: (47 + 2) less 30? Reply with quote

..it leaves me wondering

wow, this is so vivid,such a riveting story.. Everything that's been said.. You are amazing Harry, truly a mentor to us all.

L


Last edited by laura on Fri Jul 06, 2007 11:02 am; edited 1 time in total
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Harry
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Location: New York

PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 9:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I swear, Linda ... nothing gets by you. You give all the secrets away.

No, I never studied creative writing. I studied literature for a while, just long enough to recognize what it was when I saw it. What rubbed off on me, I think, was the uncanny ability some writers had to make the reader see what the writer wanted him to see – and no more. It was very obvious in Hemingway Conrad and Cheever. A little less so in Faulkner, O’Connor and Updike and most times not at all in Hugo and Dickens.

All the good writers had leashes to keep the reader from wandering off on his own.

Thank you both. This is very much an opening and I'll have to do something with these people.
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Linda
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 2:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Harry wrote:
...No, I never studied creative writing...


Amazing. Truly amazing! Smile
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Harry
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 9:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It’s that gratuitous adjective ‘creative’, stuck in the front of ‘writing’, why must it be there? If we start out to write something ‘creative’ I think we lose all the power prose can bring to a reader, and in the end we lose him in the swamp of our own digression.

Look how you can write a story in six words ...

“For sale: baby shoes, never used.”
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Linda
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 1:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I never looked at it that way, Harry...the word creative, I mean. I studied literature, heck, even before studying literature...as a child. I had a library card as soon as they would allow me one...read all of my life, but it wasn't until I studied creative writing (non-fiction, fiction, and poetry), that I truly recognized and appreciated both the talent and skill I saw in literature. Poetry came naturally, but, decomposing a piece of prose, well, it never occurred to me until after I studied creative writing.
Harry wrote:
... Look how you can write a story in six words ...

“For sale: baby shoes, never used.”


But, there's the secret:
Harry wrote:
... Look how you can write...


You're a natural, Harry. Most people, unless they have studied creative writing, while imagining the history, would never marvel at the fact that it only took six words to plant the seed.
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