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Waiting by Caterina Kenworthy

 
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Harry
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Joined: 15 Jan 2004
Posts: 2505
Location: New York

PostPosted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 9:27 am    Post subject: Waiting by Caterina Kenworthy Reply with quote

Waiting by Caterina Kenworthy

An unrelentingly grim story Ms. Kenworthy. The last sentence is confusing in that it suggests that the father's death is somehow related to the writer's impending death. Your description of the intensive care waiting room is reminiscent of one in a third world country ... very effective.

My only objection to your otherwise well written piece is your occasional overblown use of simile, where it might have been better to be simple ... "He was waiting, his hands limp at his sides, fingers apart. Two white bellied fish on the hooks of his wrists."

Welcome to our club. Hope to hear more from you. You're an accomplished writer.
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