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Perfect by Nicole Parreira

 
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DaveR
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Joined: 14 Jan 2004
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Location: Los Angeles

PostPosted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 6:29 pm    Post subject: Perfect by Nicole Parreira Reply with quote

Nicole, why not expand this idea into a story?
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Harry
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 4:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

As Dave said. it needs development. It's impossible to critique a vignette like this. It's a moment in the life of someone we know nothing about.
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kouklapoulos@yahoo.com
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 1:42 pm    Post subject: Critique Reply with quote

Nicole--
there is not much here to critique, really. As Harry and Dave said, the idea needs much development. You introduce two characters that the reader knows nothing about, and therefore, it is harder to "feel" the emotion that the girl is going through. Make the reader care about the girl; the only way to do this is to create a story about her that leads to the moment you have written about.

Also, remove trite language with more specific details.
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