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Truth Hurts - Cinnamon Brown

 
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Harry
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Joined: 15 Jan 2004
Posts: 2505
Location: New York

PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 6:01 am    Post subject: Truth Hurts - Cinnamon Brown Reply with quote

Yes, Cinnamon, you've let us into your life before. But, it bears retelling - it's a story old as the hills and yet it time it happens, it happens for the first time. Good to hear from you little lady, hope you are well. What's the reason you can't tell us the name of the book - I think I know what it is.
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Cinnamon
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 7:38 am    Post subject: Thanks Reply with quote

Thanks Harry!! I am getting a little frustrated with my life and want to write all the time I am writing a book called Exodus... The title may change some- day .. But the book I was speaking of was called "Yesterday I Cried" by Iyanla Vanzant ... I will never forget it

God Bless
Till next time
Cinnamon
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dkneip
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Joined: 01 Jul 2004
Posts: 253
Location: California

PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 12:01 pm    Post subject: truth hurts Reply with quote

Harry, did you guess correctly on the title of the book?? I didn't! I was way off! Laughing

Hi Cinnamon!

I wanted to also take some time to comment on your piece. Obviously I don't know you or your history, but this definitely had the feel of a true to life story and it is heavy with heart and soul. And your theme is encouraging! I really appreciate your thoughts on love. Sometimes, you have to walk in "those shoes" to really know love.

A few comments on structure:

Personally, I think telling the story in any other than the first person point of view was a strong decision. I think it might have come off, to some, as too weepy in first person perspective, and a bit of a turn off. And I know pity is not what the story is about. I hope that makes sense - I liked your choice.

The other thing that worked for me, was the structure - where the sentences mostly run into each other with not a lot of punctuation or caps. Just very free flowing. I like that style for this piece (where generally, being a perfectionist, I frown - haha). There's both poetry and discord in this person's life and it's shown not only by the actions, but by the style. (If that was a personal decision or your own style, I'd be curious to know!)

And, I must admit, I honestly didn't think the two would get back together in the end. I wasn't sure where it was going and so it was a pleasant surprise for me to see that pure love won out!

Thank you for telling this story yet again! I was happy to read it.
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