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Jim Morrell 3-Meeting Benny

 
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Heidi
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 8:38 pm    Post subject: Jim Morrell 3-Meeting Benny Reply with quote

I really liked your story, I wasn't quite sure what to expect with the handicapped kid in the story but you used that character well. You wrote the story so it was entertaining but not demeaning in any way that was great! I hope to see more of your writing and feel free to contribute to the forum if you want. Cool
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Linda
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Joined: 14 Jan 2004
Posts: 1024
Location: Texas

PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 11:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great Story, Jim. I loved the ending:

Benny and I got along pretty good after that. He knew I loved his sister a lot and was good to her. He never told Jane about our conversation in his room and I never told him that there wasn’t an International Special Olympics Committee. Laughing

I look forward to reading more, and welcome to the Voice!

Linda
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Harry
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Joined: 15 Jan 2004
Posts: 2505
Location: New York

PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 6:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very well written piece, Jim. Is it based on fact? If it is, it throws a different light on the Downers than the ones I've known and worked with.
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dkneip
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Joined: 01 Jul 2004
Posts: 253
Location: California

PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 11:39 am    Post subject: benny Reply with quote

Hi Jim,

Good story. Like Harry, I also wondered if it was based on a true story.

The piece flows nicely and you deal with your plot points extremely well.

I was concerned though with the heaviness of the dialogue. To me, having been around screenplays the better half of my life, this has A LOT of talking. I'm not sure if the story would be better served, as they always say, with more showing and less telling. There are a number of specifics I would cite, but it would mean a total rehaul of the story, and I'm not sure that's what you, the author, wants.

We want to stay positive about this story because it is clever and it moves at a good pace. And the characters are likeable - even Benny, you can't blame him, can you?

One final thing that struck me as quite odd, was the ending where Benny, 15 years old, is in his room, he "..took a deep breath, opened his window and lit up a cigarette." A cigarette? My willingness to suspend my disbelief was challenged harshly at that moment.

Otherwise, I think you did a really good job with this piece.

Daniel
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