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500 X 05 Watch Out

 
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shadowlight
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 12:43 pm    Post subject: 500 X 05 Watch Out Reply with quote



Here you go. I look forward to seeing what you come up with.

The artist is Alan Rabinowitz ( • copyright © RABZ Fantasy Art & Illustration) and you can find his work at:
http://www.fantasy-illustration.com/

He has given permission on his site to use his images for free as long as we credit him and link his site. If you like his work, you might be interested in making a visit. Have fun.

shadowlight

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dkneip
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 11:59 pm    Post subject: S.O.S. Reply with quote

She was a rookie of the worst kind. The worst kind, I tell ya! And when I was gunned down and lay bleedin' in the street, this dame was first to answer my distress call.

I went down to the industrial complex on a hot tip about money-smugglers from no one you wanna know about. Thought I'd be a real hero and bust this case wide open. Things was fine as long as I kept my wits, but they knew I was coming. I'D BEEN HAD! They fired down from a tower and drilled me in the leg. I pulled myself to a safety zone.

Then she arrived. Like my bad luck wasn't enough to get me killed. The crazy dame, golden locks showerin' down to her shoulders, jumped out of her car and I almost started cryin' when I saw her holdin' her gun upside down! For the love of Pete! She was pointin' it and wavin' it all around like it was a bottle of perfume.

And she looked around like she didn't know what was goin' on. She was out in the open and I yelled out, "Get down, you batty dame!" Heck, I didn't want her to get plugged too! But Jiminy Christmas!

Well, I guess them crooked bandits got one look at her and knew they had plenty of time to make a slow get-a-way.

We never did find them thieves and do you know, the precinct gave her a medal for "rescuin'" me??

It's my luck.
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Harry
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2006 5:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ah, you're back - and you've brought the voice of Raymond Chandler back with you. Very nice off the cuff piece, I can see a young James Cagney in the part/ Welcome back Danny!
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Harry
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2006 6:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

To Save the World

by Harry Buschman


Boom-Boom looked around her nervously. “Oh drat! How could I be so stupid? To run out of gas here!” There was an oil refinery across the street.

How could she explain this to Double-ought Seven? He was expecting her at Dr. Mazeltov’s laboratory in twenty minutes. She had the reciprocating defibrillator in the back seat of the Bentley and without it there would be nothing to stop Dr. Mazeltov -- he could destroy the world with a flip of his switch!

She saw an all night bar across the street! Perhaps all was not lost! Maybe she could make it to Dr. Mazeltov’s laboratory on a fifth of Old Grandaddy. Her spiked heels clicked sharply on the treacherous cobblestones as she ran towards the bar in typical girlish fashion with her knees close together. She opened the front door and was greeted by the rude sound of men singing lewd songs. The air was so thick with smoke she could barely see the bar.

She groped her way through the crowd and signaled the bartender.

“We usually don’t serve no women here, miss.”

“Please, I need a fifth of Old Grandaddy and maybe a fifth of Vodka -- can you hurry please?”

“This ain’t no liquor store, lady ... we serve by the drink.”

“Well then, I’ll need about forty shots of bourbon and forty of vodka ... and could you lend me a funnel please, I don’t want to spill any.”

A one eyed, bearded man next to her shook his head in amazement. “Wow,” he said. “You gotcha self one hell of a thirst, Ma’am.” He removed his cigar butt and grinned broadly, revealing the stumps of brown and broken teeth. “You tryin’ to forget somethin’ ma’am -- mebbe I can help you remember ... name’s Coyote, ma’am.”

Boom-Boom ignored him, then thought better of it ... perhaps he could help her carry the drinks out to the Bentley. The bartender put two large trays up on the counter and poured the drinks. He handed Boom-Boom a funnel and said, “At a buck a shot that’ll be eighty bucks ma’am.”

She reached into her cleavage and pulled out a roll of bills. She pealed off four twenties and stuffed the roll back again. Coyote watched with growing interest - his jaw dropped and his cigar tumbled to the floor.

“Would you help me out to my car, Mr. Coyote,” she asked sweetly.

“Why ma’am, I’d be overjoyed to.” He took a tray and stuffed the funnel in his pocket - the two of them made their exit through the crowd. Coyote shouted, “Make way! Make way for a thirsty lady!”

“The drinks are not for me, Mr. Coyote. I ran out of petrol and I’m on my way to help Double-ought Seven save the world from extinction.”

“Well, if that don’t beat all, ma’am, but with the way the world is what do you got against extinction, ma’am?”
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Heidi
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2006 6:38 pm    Post subject: your stories Reply with quote

I liked both of your stories, Danny's was very interesting not sure what to call it but it was good. Harry yours left me wondering as always (in a good way of course!) What happened to the woman did she ever get to the lab? What about Coyote's question, is extinction really so bad with the way the world is today? I have to admit although I like living my life sometimes I wonder what would happen if the world were to end tomorrow, or even tonight! Cool
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DaveR
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2006 7:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Something about a pretty young lady next to a car near a factory of some sort at night that gets you thinking about crime and guns.
Both stories are definitely going somewhere.

Danny good to see you back in top form.

Harry this is one of the funniest pieces you've done. A real spoof.
You captured some real humor here:

<<<A one eyed, bearded man next to her shook his head in amazement. “Wow,” he said. “You gotcha self one hell of a thirst, Ma’am.” He removed his cigar butt and grinned broadly, revealing the stumps of brown and broken teeth. “You tryin’ to forget somethin’ ma’am -- mebbe I can help you remember ... name’s Coyote, ma’am.”

Boom-Boom ignored him, then thought better of it ... perhaps he could help her carry the drinks out to the Bentley. The bartender put two large trays up on the counter and poured the drinks. He handed Boom-Boom a funnel and said, “At a buck a shot that’ll be eighty bucks ma’am.”

She reached into her cleavage and pulled out a roll of bills. She pealed off four twenties and stuffed the roll back again. Coyote watched with growing interest - his jaw dropped and his cigar tumbled to the floor.

“Would you help me out to my car, Mr. Coyote,” she asked sweetly.

“Why ma’am, I’d be overjoyed to.” He took a tray and stuffed the funnel in his pocket - the two of them made their exit through the crowd. Coyote shouted, “Make way! Make way for a thirsty lady!” >>>
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shadowlight
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2006 7:55 am    Post subject: The Reluctant Assassin (WC 471) Reply with quote

The Reluctant Assassin.
© Marlicia Fernandez (WC 471) 2-13-06



Erica hated guns. All guns. Of course that didn’t mean she didn’t know how to use them. She did. She’d always known. Ever since she could remember. She might not know what each piece of the weapon was or its name, but give her any firearm at all and she could take apart, clean, reassemble and load it. And she could shoot it. Erica always hit her target – even if it was moving. Unless she wanted to miss. That was what first caught their attention.

But Erica knew that it wasn’t only her skill with weapons that captured the interest of her employers. It was the fact that she left no fingerprints. Not on the gun, not on the ammunition. Not on anything. Within two minutes they started to fade, after four they were unrecognizable. After that, they disappeared, unless they were preserved. It was as if she never touched the object. She didn’t understand why –something to do with her body chemistry. That’s why the company recruited her.

If only she hadn’t taken her friend up on the offer to target shoot during their lunch break. Erica still didn’t know what had possessed her. She hadn’t handled a weapon since that awful day with her high school rifle team, but she’d agreed. That was the biggest mistake of her life.

Once they’d learned of her skill with the pistol, and put it together with inability to be traced, her employers tested her with other weapons and given her a variety of aptitude tests. Highest match: covert assassin.

They insisted on training her-for the good of the nation, for the good of the world. When she tried to refuse, they’d made her see it would be in her best interest and the best interest of her family if she did as they suggested. Faced with such powerful incentives, Erica complied and continued to comply for what seemed like a lifetime. She didn’t feel good about it, but she’d had no choice.

Some people might think she was lucky, that she led a glamorous and exciting life, but she knew differently. Her profession brought guilt and pain…loneliness and nightmares. Endless nightmares.

Erica had been happy with her desk job, with her dreams of a husband and family who loved her. She’d never been interested in fieldwork. All she wanted was a normal life. But as things were now, it wasn’t possible. Her handlers had seen to that.

She stepped out of the car and checked her weapon. She knew they were watching, but she didn’t care. They had no idea what they were seeing. Erica glanced at her surroundings and hid a smile. All her prep work was about to pay off. The setting was perfect, the victims clueless. Things were going to change. This time she was calling the shots.

end


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shadowlight
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2006 8:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

dkneip (Danny?),

Looks like I'm late with my comments as usual, but ask anyone, I always wait until I write mine before reading the others and commenting. Wink So, I hope better late than never.

THis is so funny. I enjoyed it. I really felt for the poor cop. It seems like his male ego was a little bruised. Maybe by way of thank he should take the rookie 'dame' onto the practice range and give her a few tips?

Thanks for sharing. I look forward to reading more of your work.


Harry,

As usual you don't disappoint. This is wonderful. I love your sense of humor. You've nailed both characters and given them distintive voices. I was just waiting for Mr. Coyote to reveal himself as Mr. Double ought seven. Thanks for the smile.


Dave and Heidi,

I look forward to seeing what you come up with for this. Wink Smile
Marlicia

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Harry
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2006 9:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think I know what Erica was up to ... I guess she tired of assassinating. I don’t blame her; same old grind day after day. Neat trick of yours, Shadow -- to invent a fingerprint-less person, wonder how her employers discovered that. Nice, well written, nonsense free flash fiction.
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shadowlight
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2006 3:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Harry,

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on this for me. I really appreciate it.

Erica is definately tired of the assassination/covert operation game and she wants something better. Glad you liked the lack of fingerprints bit. All of a sudden I just knew. LOL

Thanks for your kind words,
shadowlight Smile

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Linda
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2006 3:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sandy wondered if she had enough time. He normally left by 10:30 and it was already 9:45. Looking over her shoulder, she checked to see if the light in the third floor window was still on. Good, she thought, they’re still “working”.

Turing back to her brother-in-law's car, she opened the plastic bag from the Dollar General, removed the bottle of perfume and the bracelet. Then, digging through her purse, she found her sister’s car keys and a tube of lipstick. No, she thought, the lipstick’s too much. She dropped it back in her purse.

Fifteen minutes later she pulled up in front of her sister’s house and blew the car horn. “Come on, girl, you’re holding me up,” she hollerd out the car window jokingly.

Marie walked around the front of her sister’s car, and then slipped into the passenger’s seat. They were five miles from the factory before she found the courage to speak. “Why did he call you,” she asked.

“I told you, silly. He tried to call you but couldn’t get through. You know how those cell phones are.”

----
Five years later, Sandy watched her sister walk through the elevator doors into the small gathering of writers. Marie had been dating her childhood sweetheart for two months now, and when Sandy saw the journal in her sister's hands, she knew she was writing again. She's even gained a little weight, Sandy thought. She's looks great!

Smiling, Sandy walked away when she heard her sister explaining to an old friend, “I don’t know. I just had a feeling. And, when I found the girl’s bracelet in his car, and smelled that cheap perfume, well, I just knew. It was time to leave!”
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Last edited by Linda on Wed Feb 15, 2006 3:59 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Heidi
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2006 3:47 pm    Post subject: Linda's story & my prompt Reply with quote

Linda good story but the ending left me a bit confused, did the bit about her sister have to with her story or was it just part of her conversation with the people at the convention?
Anyway here's my take on the picture.

Jane rushed out of the burning building, stopping by her car to catch her breath. She heard a voice beside her causing her to jump, she turned around with a scared and startled look she saw a man standing next to her. "Can I help you?" she asked nervously.
"Yes, do you know if there's a phone around here?" the man asked quietly. "I didn't know if anyone had reported the fire in your building."
"Oh, yes there's a pay phone a few blocks down." Jane replied hurriedly. She turned and got into her car, thankful to get away from the stranger. She didn't care if he reported the fire or not. She knew who had done it. Her ex-boyfriend Brad was just plain psycho, he had been stalking her for quite some time now. Even though she called the police on him twice now he still wouldn't stop. He told her once that if he couldn't have her no one could. But she hadn't thought he meant to kill her.

She only vaguely remembered seeing him outside her apartment the night before. His tall lean figure casting an imposing shadow on the pavement. She sighed as she noticed that his light brown hair had grown longer and how his green eyes were watching her as she buzzed into the apartment complex. After going upstairs and setting down her things she glanced out the window hoping to see that he was gone. Unfortunately he was still standing there, grinning at her from below her window. She squinted, what was he holding? Then she realized it was a can of gasoline, he started to pour it onto the building she remembered shaking her head no and screaming at him, "What are you doing?!" He didn't reply; it was then that Jane called the police. As she explained what happened she remembered smelling smoke; when she went to invesitage she found that the side of the building was already on fire. She hurriedly hung up the phone and rushed downstairs.

Now she was driving furiously towards his house, with a gun in her hand. She was going to stop this once and for all. She knew that the police who were keeping an eye on her were no threat to Brad. No authority figure ever had been. She was going to confront him tonight, to make him pay for nearly killing all the other innocent people in her building. and her. She smiled as she pulled up to a small white house with black shutters. She rang the doorbell when the door began to open she sang out, "Oh, Brad I've got a surprise for you!" Then she pulled the loaded black gun out of her pocket, still smiling she pulled the trigger.
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Harry
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2006 3:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Linda

That picture really set you off, Linda. A really devastating set-up. Imagine a piece of flash fiction with a five year flashback. I don’t know many people who could pull that off.
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Linda
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2006 3:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, Harry. I'll treasure your words for a very long time! Smile
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shadowlight
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2006 4:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Linda,

I enjoyed this piece very much. I'm glad she got rid of the guy. He seems to have been bad news. Was he also keeping her from writing? Because she suspected? I really liked the flow of the piece and the characters each have a unique voice, even the 'off stage' ones. The love of the sisters shows through.

Thanks for sharing.

Heidi,

Wow, never underestimate an angry/frightened/fed up woman. Nice tension in this piece.

I do have one question. If the police were watching her, wouldn't they see her kill Brad? Or didn't she care?

Nice take on the prompt.

Marlicia

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Harry
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 5:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heidi

Well, let’s hope Brad opened the door and not someone else. A good detailed solution to the prompt Heidi - it can stand on its own without the picture. So, with the makings of good short story in your grasp, you should make plans to develop it further. When you do, ask yourself if you really need that mysterious character who asks Jane where he can find a telephone.
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Linda
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 9:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Daniel,

It’s great to see your work again. This is so you!

… guess them crooked bandits got one look at her and knew they had plenty of time to make a slow get-a-way...[and] the precinct gave her a medal for "rescuin'" me??
That’s so funny! I loved it!

Harry,

What can we say to the master? First, I loved the surprised, but then obvious take: running out of gas across the street from a refinery! It prompted me to look closer for other obvious takes. But, your characters are my favorite. I can alays see them clearly, and you do it so cleverly…not just telling but in the character’s names and dialog! I can see the older bartender wiping out the inside of a glass while saying:

“We usually don’t serve no women here, miss.”

And the anxious Boom-Boom:

“Please, I need a fifth of Old Grandaddy and maybe a fifth of Vodka -- can you hurry please?”

...course, the older guy couldn’t be rushed by a young whipper snapper, and a woman at that!

“This ain’t no liquor store, lady ... we serve by the drink.”

And my favorite, the one eyed Coyote:

“Wow, ...You gotcha self one hell of a thirst, Ma’am...”
Harry, you're a natural storyteller!



Shadow Light,

A perfect picture of another natural:


She might not know what each piece of the weapon was or its name, but give her any firearm at all and she could take apart, clean, reassemble and load it. ..

Regarding your question on mine…Yes, I intended to show that the cheating husband was the cause of writer’s block for Sandy’s sister. Thanks for reading so closely.


Heidi,

Sorry for the confusion. I am new at flash fiction…and I can’t remember the guide lines Harry gave once…I didn’t know how many, if any edits were allowed… Heidi, I always enjoy your stories and your poetry. They give me a closer view of the young people today! I trust your perception.


Thanks each of you for reading my own. Harry, you are my hero…and you keep me pressing toward the mark. I hope to start building soon and by the end of the year quit the night job...devoting at least 20 hours a week to writing.
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Paul Grimsley
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 9:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

She glanced over her shoulder, shivering as she felt the past night's events freeze into place. She wouldn't be able to look backwards anymore because her gaze, piercing as it had become, would shatter that delicate icy reflection of the present moment.
She cradled the gun, unsure of the object in a way she had not been before she had fired it: then it had had a function; now, what was it for? It's usefulness, like the bullet buried in Connor's chest, had been discharged. Could she pass it off as a crime of passion? unlikely, for most people who knew her would never use that word to describe her.
The car would take her away from here and she wished some of its hue would flow into the sky and dispel the accusing red that gathered like blood in the clouds. The world knew what she had done and was turning away from her.
She knew what her story would be -- a femme fatale who had engineered the whole sordid mess when she got greedy for the money her man was keeping from her. Yes, she had thought he was stiffing her ... and yes, she had intended to have it out with him. But he pulled a gun first.
Self defence wouldn't fly though, so she would have to. Swiftly away she would go, but migrating for colder climes instead, where the heat would not be on her.
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janett
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 1:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wrote this a while back but i like it with the image and welcome feedback...to quote Dave, "Be bruttal" Laughing


Reflection caught in time
Recesses of my mind
Travelling through the walls
A graduating find.

“I can hear you you know
Singing to your baby
On your baby monitor”

“Hmm..i should of turned you off”, he smiles absently

“But it’s music to my ears.”

“Okay”. A train passes by in the distance, graffiti mumbles as it rumbles down the t’reasoned track.

“Love and contention”

“I’m sorry darling”

"give me one good reason to stay”.
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DaveR
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 6:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Janett are you ready for a few punches? OK, here goes.

It took me four reads to understand it. To be fair this may be because it is a passage taken from a larger piece. It is difficult to follow without dialogue tags. It took me a while to realize the first four lines were lyrics.
Is he singing to her or to a real baby? Is she listening to him on a baby monitor? What's a baby monitor?
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janett
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 8:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks Dave.
it is a potential spy device. I plugged my baby receptor in and it picked up someone's elses monitor; and i heard a woman singing to her baby. she had the most beautiful voice so full of love. Mesmorized, I was compelled to listen. Still, I was in a stranger's house, a home invasion of the worse kind. i felt such strange emotion, compelled to listen and turn it off at the same time; it was kind of like live live radio

thats when i jotted these words down, free flow.I think i wanted to create a kind of tension that reflected my negataive mood juxtaposed with the beautiful music. Your right, It is an excerpt.., maybe something i'll expand on in the future. thanks for the punches and the thoughts. Very Happy
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