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Great Expectations by Fahima Yousouf

 
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Linda
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Joined: 14 Jan 2004
Posts: 1024
Location: Texas

PostPosted: Thu Aug 31, 2006 12:28 pm    Post subject: Great Expectations by Fahima Yousouf Reply with quote

Hi Fahima,

Although a bit long, I enjoyed your narrative. You have obviously studied writing, it is evident in your work. However, what is NRI??? And, you wrote:

...I must have dozed off when suddenly I woke up and noticed someone had ... stuffed bits of cotton in my nose. ...the cotton was my niece’s handiwork ...

But, just above this paragraph you wrote:

...My sister was conscious enough to put her daughter to sleep early ...

Did your niece wake up and then adorn your nose? The ending was a bit weak for such a long build up...but, other wise, the narrative flows well. I'd give you an A-... Wink

Linda
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