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Learning to Live by Lizzie Keadan

 
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Harry
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Joined: 15 Jan 2004
Posts: 2505
Location: New York

PostPosted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 2:55 pm    Post subject: Learning to Live by Lizzie Keadan Reply with quote

Learning to Live by Lizzie Keadan

It's a pretty piece, Ms. Keadan. I'm not sure the window is a necessary metaphor and it tends to get lost as the story moves on. I also think the reader is left in the dark concerning the narrator's feeling of guilt after all he is nineteen and has only moved from Munster to Regensburg. But it is a satisfying story and the girl and the pigeons in the plaza is nicely told.
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lizziekeadan
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Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 10:56 pm    Post subject: Thank You Reply with quote

Thank you for posting my piece. To be honest, this was a piece I submitted to a creative writing class last semester. I never share my pieces, but after taking the class I thought maybe I should share with people who enjoy writing and commenting on others works. I really like this piece but it is still in the works!!!

THANKS AGAIN!!!!!
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Heidi
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Joined: 28 Feb 2004
Posts: 585
Location: Des Moines, IA

PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 2:00 pm    Post subject: your story Reply with quote

I also enjoyed reading your piece, I'm not sure the metaphor of the window is needed. Perhaps just leaving in the part where the window is used by the tenant as a view to outside world would be enough. I was also curious, what does the main character look like? Do they have an name or are they supposed to be annoymous? Just a few things to think about in case you decide to go back and revise/add to this piece. With that said I found it a very moving piece and enjoyed the part with the woman and description of Germany and it's customs. Welcome to the Voice! Cool
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