Joined: 14 Jan 2004
|Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 2:05 pm Post subject: Four Stories by Liam Brennan
Welcome to the Writer's Voice. I enjoyed your first story "Big Apple: Rotten to the Core"... there were minor flaws in the mechanics, but the storyline was good. After I read the ending, I re-read the beginning, and thatís a compliment!
The other three moved too quickly for me, and were (with the exception of the last) quite predictable. There were many flaws in the composition (words omitted, run on paragraphs, etc.) In fact, I had to force myself to stick with the stories. The last one...well, I think you jumped around too much. I had to reread it a couple of times to figure out who was who and what was really happening. I think the narrator commits suicide, but I'm not sure.
I think youíre on the right tract! Harry is far better at these reviews and I'm sure his will be more constructive. I'd love to see any revisions, Liam. Again, welcome to the voice.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
-- Dylan Thomas