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Hidden Secrecies by Cinnamon Brown

 
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Harry
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Joined: 15 Jan 2004
Posts: 2505
Location: New York

PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 6:08 am    Post subject: Hidden Secrecies by Cinnamon Brown Reply with quote

Hidden Secrecies by Cinnamon Brown


I'll be waiting for the continuation, Cinnamon. You're off to a good start with the bulimia starting before pubescence, but it might be a good idea to save the 'wife and mother' reference until later. Right now there's a gap between a pre teenager and marriage. "purge and gurger" confused me, 'purge' I can see, but shouldn't it be "gorger." You're writing well enough now to be under the thumb of an editor, Cinnamon. You should be proud of yourself.
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shadowlight
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 18, 2007 9:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Cinnamon,

Wow, this is a powerful piece. I think Harry pointed out what confused me ie: the 'purge and gurge' and his suggestion makes sense as does the possibility of leaving the bit about the wife and mother for later, unless you maybe begin with her seeing the kids off to school or something. Hmm...something to think about, I guess.

You are off to a terrific start and I look forward to seeing what happens next. Does she get the help she needs? I sure hope so. Oh, and that last line is a killer. It hits at the gut, so to speak.

Nice work.

marlicia

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Linda
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 3:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cinnamon,

You've capture a great deal of pain and suffering in this piece. You have my attention. Please continue.

Linda
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Cinnamon*Brown
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Joined: 06 Apr 2005
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 5:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the critique. I appreciate it..I will make some corrections
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DaveR
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Joined: 14 Jan 2004
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Location: Los Angeles

PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 11:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi, Cinnamon, this is a powerful piece, and I too would like you to continue. I wonder if I should show it to my niece who has a similiar problem? Will she benefit?

Cinnamon, keep writing.

Hello, Harry, Linda and Shadow. I'm always thinking about you guys.

Dave.
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Harry
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 4:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>>Hello, Harry, Linda and Shadow. I'm always thinking about you guys.<<

Watch yourself crossing the street.
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DaveR
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 5:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="Harry"]>>Hello, Harry, Linda and Shadow. I'm always thinking about you guys.<<

Watch yourself crossing the street.[/quote]

I think and watch myself at the same time by carrying a mirror. This handy mirror lets me watch myself, crossing the street, and even see what's happening behind me. I do occasionally look for oncomming traffic. Smile

Anyoe hear from Matt?
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shadowlight
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 10:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Dave,

I was wondering where you'd gotten to. It's good to 'see' you! We've missed you over in the 500 club!

Love the idea about the mirror, just remember, objects may actually be closer than they appear. Laughing

Hmm...I'm not sure I know Matt.

shadowlight

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Linda
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Location: Texas

PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 1:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

DaveR wrote:
...
Anyoe hear from Matt?


DaveR you alright! It's great to see your smiling face. It's been a while since I got an email from Matt, but I think Harry probably knows more...in the last one he sent to me, he was fussing about one of my recent posts... Smile ...it brought back memories of the good ole days!

I hope all is well in Kalifornia. I have started a brand new book titled "You Can Get There from Here"....I'm excited about it...have gotten great preliminary feedback from locals... this time, I put myself on a strict regimen …Again, it’s great to hear from you.

Linda

PS…Dave, remember when we had the old forum…something came up one day about twenty dollar bills and the tiny piece of metal inserted in them…somehow…the conversation became a long string of posts where everyone became involved…and then it became a minor piece of fiction….it was such fun!!! I think it ended with some of us crossing the Canadian border to hide in someone's corn patch.... Smile Quess I wrote all that to say...I've missed you! Smile
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Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
-- Dylan Thomas
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Harry
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 2:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You can still reach Matt by PM here at the Voice. I can't guarantee he'll answer you, nor can anyone guarantee anything Matt miight do.

He marches to the beat of a different drum...
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DaveR
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 8:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, I didn't mean to hijack Cinnamon's thread. Cinnamon, I think Matt was still around when you first came to the Voice.

Shadowlight, Matt's opinions are quite interesting and his writing is creative and unique. I learned much from him, Harry, and Linda. Too bad he removed his works from the site. But you may be able to search is name here and get to some of his posts.

Linda, I miss those long conversations on the forum with you and everybody. Now between work -- yes I've still gotta work -- family, and struggling to write a "great" screenplay I've little time for the finer conversations in life.

At any rate, I do participate in a screenwriting forum, that hosts hot and heavy discussions about the craft of screenwriting, and have picked up lot's of knowlege. although no wisdom. Laughing

I would like to see you guys spice up the forums with some drama and controversy. And it would be nice if more new members participated in the discussions and submitted work so a vibrant exchange of ideas took place.

Clive, bless his soul, is prefoming a great service for writers new and experienced. And all young writers should take advantage of Harry's knowlege.
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DaveR
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 8:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Opps. Knowledge and performing. Embarassed
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Jolanta
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 7:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello, Dave!
I am really happy to see you here again. I hope that you’ll find some free time to write a piece or to take part in a discussion. I always remember the “old” times when you and Harry encouraged me in a very nice way to write. I invite you to Marlicia’s club Smile

Linda,
writing a book is a very exciting experience, I suppose. You are a very good writer so I am sure that you’ll receive wide recognition.

Marlicia,
you really don’t know Matt. Matt is a very good writer and a very good, and brilliant, and sensitive, and compassionate man. I love reading his short pieces though sometimes he is bit controversial, I think Smile
And you don’t know Janett, I suppose. I often visit her site, but it is still not finished. I even can’t write any feedback there Sad And I dislike the caption “this site under construction.”

Cinnamon,
your piece is really great. I wish I could see your pieces in Marlicia’s club. It’s really a weekly challenge Smile
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Linda
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Location: Texas

PostPosted: Mon Nov 12, 2007 8:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jolanta wrote:
...Linda,
writing a book is a very exciting experience, I suppose. You are a very good writer so I am sure that you’ll receive wide recognition. ..


Thank you for your kind words Jolanta. You have a big heart. It was this spirit that first attracted me to The Writer's Voice!

And Cinnamon, I want to say again that I look forward to reading more of your story. I think it is highly relevant to our day.
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Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
-- Dylan Thomas
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