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A father, but not a father - Ryan Evans

 
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Harry
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Joined: 15 Jan 2004
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Location: New York

PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 5:45 am    Post subject: A father, but not a father - Ryan Evans Reply with quote

From reading your piece I come away feeling sorrier for your mother than I do for you, and why she didn't lock the old man out or look for help from governmental authorities is a puzzle. Anyway, you've attempted a fitting tribute to her. I hope you won't be offended, but it needs severe editing. There are so many misspellings and grammatical gaffes that most readers will lose interest.
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ryan
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 11:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Any criticism is welcome but i must say, i am a teenager obviously my work will not be perfect but i mainly wrote for myself not anyone else so that i could reflect back on it as a guide to how i realized what was important. The idea wasn't about every life event but the feelings portrayed towards his fathers actions, i was writing a story not a diary entry. The idea was to focus on how joseph became stronger psychologically and adapted to deal and live his life without worrying about people mocking him. You clearly missed the emotions of the character towards his father and mother by trying to find ways to criticize my writing!!!
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ryan
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 11:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

thnx
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Harry
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 11:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ryan, the trouble with airing one's personal or family problems on the internet is that you expose, not only yourself, but your family as well. I added the caveat at the end of my comment in the hope that you would not be offended. On this site, as every other, all submissions are subject to review and feedback. If neither are wanted, that fact should be made plain.

But if you are interested in improving your abilities as a writer you should learn to accept criticism.
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ryan
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 8:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

yes i accept your criticism was just making it quite clear that the story's aim was to portray feelings.
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Heidi
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Joined: 28 Feb 2004
Posts: 585
Location: Des Moines, IA

PostPosted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 2:18 pm    Post subject: hmm Reply with quote

Well I am sorry to say I've been away from here for far too long. And look what happens! Clive says he's fed up and is taking a break (stupid spammers, I must say I don't not encounter them as often as you Harry but when I do I make sure to report and delete them. If only I had the power of the Deathnote...er wait obscure anime reference) anyway back to feedback. I too was a teenager once. And I too have written pieces that were filled with emotion and heck some still are! My point being you can't let your emotions you had or may have now affect how you view someone else's criticism. My advice is to cool off, either let the piece sit for a few days (or the criticism) and look at it then. You may be surprised at what you learn. Wink
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