Joined: 14 Jan 2004
|Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2004 3:57 pm Post subject: Revenge of the Drop Cloth - Harry Buschman
|Harry, this is beautiful! And for those of you, including myself, who want very much to improve your writing, I highly recommend reading and analyzing Harry’s story. Notice his opening sentence:
"Words can not describe how thoroughly and profoundly I hate Agatha Glenville-Jones!"
Ask yourself “Will I continue reading this?” and then ask yourself “Why?”
Easy—the emotion HATE. Who among us cannot identify with that emotion—at one time or another we’ve all HATED someone! We want to know about someone brave enough to admit they've "hated".
Next, in order to prepare the reader for a change, he inserts:
<> <> <>
Now, we begin to hear from the narrator. As the story progresses, notice how Harry shifts to present tense when the narrator enters the mind of the protagonist—this will always bring your reader closer to the action.
Harry, this is truly excellent. You remained true to each person's character, and, your "good" people had enough bad in them to make them human (therefore equal to us), and your "bad" people (the critic) had enough good (she was smart enough to get out of the trap) to make her admirable. A part of us can both sympathize and identify with all of the characters--excellent!
Sorry, I didn’t mean to write so much, but this was truly well written! And I enjoyed it very much.