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Dangerous Thinking on a Spring-ish Day


Nicole Starleigh Yeager

i step outside into the warm, soft sunlight
it's not quite spring yet, but it feels like it could be
sometimes i think i would love to be able to sort out
all the things that keep running through my head
all those crazy, mixed up feelings....
but at the same time, i harbor this fear...
when we are together, just the two of us
i feel so comfortable in your arms, i feel so loved
but i remind myself, as a warm breeze blows across my face
that things aren't all black and white for us
and that is what scares me the most
i am letting myself fall for you, a very dangerous thing-
and i am afraid that you are not falling for me
love is something i've always dreamed about
something i've always played with and skirted around about
but it is a risk i have never had the courage to take
part of me wants to take that risk now
the rest of me is too afraid of being hurt
remembering pain from the past, not from you, but pain all the same
a little bird flutters down to the ground where he flirts with a potential
and i remember that you still play around
you go out to the clubs with your friends, to see those girls
other girls still catch your eye, even when i'm with you
and this makes my heart twinge with both jealousy and pain
it's no secret i am attracted to you, i've told you so
but you don't know how much the attraction has grown
how much i missed you when we were apart for a little while
how afraid i was to call you
afraid to hear you say you didn't want to see me anymore
but you didn't... and you came back to me
you wear the necklace that i bought for you
you hold me close at night
and keep your arms on me when we watch movies with friends
but i can't interpret your actions sometimes
when we are together and you don't always sit next to me
and you pay more attention to my roommate than to me
and your friend reminds you of the other day - and those cute girls at the
the fluffy, yet tinted clouds floating above guide my thoughts to another
i know there is one mistake that i have made - i've let us move too fast
and this i must put a stop to - i can't hurt myself like that
it will be hard, though, for i love the feeling i have when in your arms,
i lay my head on your shoulder as you pull me closer to you
to give all that up would weigh on me, i'd miss it so much
but if i told you all of these things, you might get scared, too
i don't want to corner you, or put any pressure on you
so i take a deep breath, and bury it all again
even though i know it will only resurface
because the butterflies in my stomach keep lifting it up with their wings
i don't know what to do
i don't know what to say
i don't know what to feel
or if i should take that risk of telling you
maybe now is not the time
maybe now i will just let things go as they go
maybe now i will wait... and see where fate leads us
i think my heart is strong enough for that

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