The
Writer's Voice
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Unveiling the Truth
About Love
by
Nicole Starleigh
Yeager
Do you ever wonder what true love really
feels like? How many times have you sat back and thought, "oh, this is it! This
is true love!" More times than I can count, speaking for myself. But, oh, how
juvenile and immature was I!
Each time I thought it was more real than
the last, yet none ever amounted to much of anything. Everything was so
incredibly complicated and confusing... does he? Doesn't he? Should I? Shouldn't
I?
Do you really find love where you least
expect it? Of this, I am not sure. I know I found something where I expected
nothing, but whether or not it is love is still to be debated. I could sit here
and say to you, "It felt so right, it just has to be true love"-- but then, come
to think of it, everything has always felt "so right" whenever I've been
intoxicated by infatuation.
Do you know the feeling I speak of? The
total loss of common sense; the unexplained time warps; the light, airy feeling
in your head; all of those tell-tale signs of an incredible crush - but nothing
more than that.
What is love, really? What does it feel
like? Does it exist as in fairy tales and romance novels and sappy movies? To
the most cynical, the answer to that is "absolutely not". But to others, like
myself, as I like to think, "well, maybe... wouldn't it be nice?"
It gives me something to dream about at
night. It brings inspiration when no words come from my pen. It makes me quite a
bit happier than normal... is that possible? If just a little taste of what love
might be can do all that to me... what would the real thing actually do?
Dreaming of love, for me, seems better than
the real thing. Such a comparison, however, I cannot validly make. I would have
to know what "the real thing" entails before having something to weigh the
dreams against, you agree?
Sure, I've played the games, and flirted,
and had a few little flings, but nothing more than that-- nothing I could lock
into my heart and keep for the rest of my life. Nothing REAL.
I admit I often anguished over love; when
it would come to me, when it would be my turn. Why did God give everyone else
the chance to belong in someone's heart, yet I sit here alone, with nothing to
comfort me but the familiar, lonely moon? Why everyone always had a date and I
was always the odd-one-out constantly bothered me.
Was it me? Was I doomed to be alone for the
rest of my life? Even at such a young age, I made these assumptions. You may
call them silly; yet, nothing ever gave me reason to believe otherwise.
It's funny how someone can walk into your
life-- a mere acquaintance-- yet leave solid footprints on your soul. You may
know them your whole life, or just a few years, or a few months, or only for a
few hours. Something about them touches your being and leaves it altered
forever.
I've crossed paths with such a person. A
fun friend, I considered him to be. I wasn't looking for anything other than
that with him. Maybe that's why it surprised me so much; why it feels so
differently than anything else I've ever experienced before. I don't know much
about what happened between us, but I know I was
comfortable in being myself. There was some kind of connection, a warm little
spark. I had fun. It was right.
Wasn't it?
So much uncertainty, it's scary, yet...
wonderful. There's no way to explain the feeling that I have right now to make
you fully understand me, except that... I feel confident in good old "wait and
see".
A smile spreads across my face even as I
think of him now. It's not a giddy, oh-man-he's-so-cute kind of smile, just a...
can't-wait-to-see-him-again kind of smile. Simple as that.
Wow. There really isn't anything too
complicated about this one at all, is there? Is that how it's supposed to be?
Simple and comfortable? Happy?
I hope so.
But, for now, she dances alone
Across the starry sky
In her own little world, looking
For the heart that cannot lie
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