The Writer's Voice
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You've Got Mail, Baby!
by
Sarah Gibson
MELLENCAMP OFFERS ADVICE TO IU GRADS!!!
This headline on the front page of the newspaper is what my tired eyes opened up to Sunday May 5th. Recently, in the city of Bloomington Indiana, the
Indiana University Class of 2000 graduated. Grammy Award-winning John Mellencamp gave the commencement speech at the ceremony the Saturday
before this creative headline. Since I had nothing better to do I read the article
and learned as follows:
John Mellencamp was born in Seymour.
He has "accumulated" 37 gold platinum and multiplatinum and 12 Grammy Award nominations.
A rather informative article if you ask me. On the back page the paper had written out Mellencamp's speech. Un-amused by my parents' desire for me to
help mow the yard, I folded the paper in half and started reading. It started out
okay, but by the second or third paragraph I was noticing a little repetition. He
was using the phrase, "you guys" more than need be and it started to bother me,
just like when someone stutters and says "uh..." thirteen times in one sentence.
Being the cynical teenager that I am, I started counting the times he used his favorite slang term. In a thirty-two-paragraph speech (at least ten of those
paragraphs contained only one sentence) he said, "you guys" eleven times and
referred to his audience as "guys" about eight times.
I also noticed that he appeared to be quite the braggart, and from what people tell me this isn't far from the truth. His longest paragraphs were about how he's
"been all over the world a couple or three times." He also seemed very proud
of the fact that he's been married three times.
As I sipped my coffee, I wondered if it was possible for this rock star to come up with five different alternatives for his colorful terminology. Now, I don't
claim to be a great at grammar, but I know that repetition is bad; is bad; is bad;
is bad; is bad...
I set the paper aside and truly hoped that he was just winging the entire thing and had not taken actual time to prepare it. With my parents not trying to
convince me that I had not done enough housework for the weekend anymore, I decided to check my e-mail.
As I signed on to AOL, I heard those three words, "You've got mail." Instead of clicking on the selected icon, I starred at it. I heard the voice saying it over and
over again in my head. I then wrote it down on a piece of paper... "You've got
mail." I decided that I would stretch it out and then wrote, "You have got
mail." Which is what the phrase is in its un-condensed form. Saying my new
phrase out loud, frustrated me because it sounded funny.. I came to the quick
conclusion that it would be better if the man on the computer said, "You have
mail." This makes so much more sense to me than one that sounds like something a hick who's never even seen a computer would say..
Over the next couple of days, I became so annoyed with the midget man saying, "You've got mail," that I changed the sound. I now safely sigh as I log
on knowing that if I have a new e-mail I will hear the reassuring words of
Homer Simpson telling me in a mocking tone, "Hey, if you don't like it go to
Russia!"
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