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A Whole Lot of Jesus
by
Tom Tannehill
Had quite an encounter the other day in the town of Bracketville.
I stopped to get a bite to eat and was about to pay my bill.
When I asked if they could tell me how to get to Uvalde,
The proprietor just shrugged and said, Jesus was the guy to see.
Well I was more than a little peeved by his obvious attempt to joke
Until he pointed to a little man who was out back twirling a rope.
So I went and asked the old fellow how to get to Uvalde
And he smiled a toothless grin and said "I no English speakee."
I got a little exasperated and was about to make a fuss
When the old man pointed to a bicyclist and said, "Jesus. He Jesus."
Jesus 2 got off his bike and said, "What do you need?"
And I told him that I wanted to know how to get to Uvalde.
This Jesus said he thought Uvalde was near San Antonio
But just to be sure we should talk with cousin Jesus, he would know.
Aw hell, I was getting nowhere fast but, there was no sense quitting then
So we found Jesus number 3 who was in his backyard gardenin’.
Jesus 3 agreed with 2, it was not far from San Antone
But to tell you how to get there, he’d get Jesus on the phone
He dialed up before I could reply then handed the phone to me
And I recognized the voice at once when he said, "I no English speakee!"
Though Jesus 1 and 2 and 3 had a good laugh at my expense
I was still determined to talk with someone with a little sense.
So, I went to the nearby church to ask if someone could help me, and
Father Jesus said he was heading there, and wouldn’t mind my company.
Well, our conversation was lively but I finally got around
To ask just how many Jesus’ they had in this tiny Texas town.
"We got 41 Jesus’ in all," said the padre with some pride.
"Plus 22 Mary’s, and 10 Johns, and 6 Pauls beside."
"Lord all Mighty!" I said out loud, and the padre, he said, "Yes.
He’s the cause for all us Jesus’ but that I suppose you guessed.
Actually, there’s 40 Jesus’ if we don’t include God’s Son.
But we do count Him and naturally, He’s Jesus Number 1."
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